The Colossal Camera Calamity by Anonymous

Author:Anonymous [Baker, Theo]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781406366259
Publisher: Walker Books
Published: 2015-05-20T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TWELVE

THE INSTITUTE FOR SCIENTIFIC EXCELLENCE OFFICIAL EVALUATION FORM FOR “LEG-UP FUTURE ACHIEVERS” SUMMER SESSION, WESTBROOK ACADEMY

Evaluator: Dr Meera Mehat, PhD, MD

Evaluee: Emily Zipzer

Evaluator’s Notes:

Having reviewed Miss Emily Zipzer’s sterling written application, I was very much looking forward to chatting with this promising young lady. I considered her the strongest candidate. However, I was unable to meet with Miss Zipzer at the appointed time, as her father, Stan Zipzer, was engaged in a mobile phone call. (Minus 5 points.)

What follows is a full transcript of my interview with Emily Zipzer and her father.

DR MEHAT: Shall we continue?

STAN ZIPZER: You bet. Fire away, doc! Oh, boy. I mean, Dr Mehat… Er, I mean, Your Grace. Or would you prefer Your Honour? Herr Doktor? Sorry, I sometimes slip into German. Those things happen when you’re fluent in half a dozen languages.

DR MEHAT: Meera will be fine.

STAN ZIPZER: Brilliant! Call me Stan. It’s nice dropping formalities, eh? I think you and me, Meera, get each other. You might even say we have a real convalescent bond.

NOTE: It is this evaluator’s opinion that Mr Zipzer was referring to a “covalent” bond.

EMILY ZIPZER: Take a breath, Dad.

STAN ZIPZER: Of course I’m breathing, Em. I would keel over if I wasn’t, right, Meera, scientifically speaking, of course, Your Grace? Is there a window or something we can open in here? Bit stuffy, no? Bit hot too. Anyone else hot, or is it just me?

DR MEHAT: I’m adequately comfortable.

STAN ZIPZER: Think I’ll take off this sweater…

EMILY ZIPZER: I’m sorry about my father, Dr Mehat. He’s nervous cos he … just got a call from the hospital. About … my mum.

DR MEHAT: Oh, my.

EMILY ZIPZER: She runs a small business – a deli – and she lost most of her arm, from below the mid-humerus, in the salami-mincing machine.

STAN ZIPZER: Yes, we couldn’t believe it when that happened.

EMILY ZIPZER: That’s why it’s so crucial that I’m accepted into your esteemed “Leg-Up Future Achievers” summer course. I want to give Mummy something to smile about again. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to cry. It’s just all … so terrible…

DR MEHAT: I understand. Do you feel up to a few questions?

EMILY ZIPZER: I think so, Meera.

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